*DISCLAIMER: The following article was created for the readers’ entertainment. For the sake of brevity, it condenses the process of writing a novel to a mere twenty steps. This gross simplification of an otherwise complex and nuanced undertaking is not intended to offend those who required double or triple the amount of steps to complete their first draft. Again, the focus here is on entertainment. Thank you. 🙂
1. The idea is born.
2. You casually break away from whatever you’re doing, pull out your phone, and take note of said idea.
3. You read your notes back to yourself and think: “This is it. This is the one. A book it shall become.”
4. The succeeding days see only giddiness from you. Not a force in the world could soil your euphoria.
5. You sit down to start writing.
7. Zilch. Nada.
8. Lack of productivity soon gives way to despair. You start to wonder where went the inspiration.
9. Breathing exercises ensue as you begin to fear the worst: your brilliant idea is actually a rather hollow one from which nothing of substance can be derived, hence the writer’s block.
10. A most unhealthy amount of chocolate is consumed.
11. The decision is made to outline.
12. Writing is attempted anew; this time, words begin to flow.
13. You’re back on track, and you couldn’t be happier.
14. Friends and family start to ask questions regarding your project; they want details. You manage to skillfully avoid answering all inquiries.
15. Eventually, you relent and decide to reveal your story’s particulars to a select few. Regret instantly overwhelms you upon being met with this reaction from your confidants:
16. You consider setting your manuscript on fire.
17. You decide against it and continue writing.
18. Steps 16 and 17 are repeated…numerous times. (For GIFs, please see above.)
19. After many sleepless nights and countless hours spent staring at the ceiling, you type your story’s concluding sentence, thereby heralding your first draft’s birth.
20. The celebrations are short-lived–time to start editing.